Why birthday's are sad for me.

Tomorrow is my baby's birthday!! My BABY will be 2. I guess he's not really a baby anymore, but to me he still is and so is Emma. I don't know why but for some reason my kids birthday's are always a little bittersweet. I love that they are growing up and that they are happy and healthy but I still look back on them being born and being babies and I miss those moments. It's not that I wish for them NOT to grow up, it's just that I wish I could still hold them right when they were first born and smell their little heads and hold their little hands and dream of how wonderful their lives are going to be. I wish I could do that everyday and in a way I do. When they are sleeping or watching t.v. or listening to me read a book. I just take a deep breath and breathe their smell in and squeeze them close to me and remember that I am their mom and that no matter how old they get they will always need me and love me and that I just have to try to be the best mom I can be and raise them the best I can and give them all the love I have and maybe one day they will do the same for their children. Being a mom is the most wonderful feeling in the world, but it is also heartbreaking. To know that one day someone will hurt them, something will make them sad, something will break their heart, is just so awful and I know it's part of life, but it's the part where I go back and wish they were babies b/c then I could shield them from pain and heartbreak and disappointment. I love them so much, I just NEVER want them to hurt and when you grow up, you hurt eventually and that's why birthday's are bittersweet for me...that little part of me never wants them to grow up so they NEVER have to hurt...but I guess that is just inevitable.